By Nancy Cozart
Strategies for Coping with Grief
When you lose a loved one, it can be very difficult to cope with grief. The grief process is unique for each individual. There is no “one size fits all” grief process. Unfortunately, there is no magic wand to make it go away. You can’t jump over it. You can’t dig your way under it. You can’t circumvent the grief process by walking around it.
One day, you are walking down a path. The sun is shining and all is well in the world. Then suddenly, an earthquake strikes and you are shaken to your very core. A large boulder tumbles down the side of a mountain and rolls directly in front of you.
You are standing in a valley and now you can’t move forward on your journey because a large all-encompassing boulder is blocking your path. You try to move forward, but you can’t. You are stuck. You find yourself trapped and lost in a valley of despair. You struggle to find a way to move past the boulder, but it is too heavy and you can’t move it. You try to muster up all your strength and you try to move the boulder out of the way so you can continue on your journey. You find you are not able to move forward. The boulder called grief is too heavy. Your journey called life has been impacted by a major obstacle in your path.
When we are born, we are not given a roadmap of our life. We are not given a list of dates with major obstacles that we will encounter. We are not given a list of directions to follow in order to avoid tragedies in our lives. We are not given a toolbox with tools to fix the problems in our lives.
As we encounter challenges in our lives, it is up to us to figure out how we will cope with setbacks and obstacles to our happiness and well being.
One of the most difficult obstacles we are faced with in life is the death of a loved one. One day, your loved one is by your side. The next day, you lose the person you love. You find yourself missing them terribly and you are filled with sadness.
How do you move forward after losing a loved one? You can’t go back to the past and have your loved one by your side again. You can’t jump forward into the future and move past all the grief you are feeling. All you can do is take a deep breath and live in the present while moving forward one step at a time.
Here are some tips and stategies for coping with grief. These stategies can help you move through the grief process.
Tip 1: Join a Grief Support Group
After losing a loved one, you may feel lonely. You may feel that you are alone. But you are not alone. There are others who are going through the same emotions and the same challenges you are facing. It helps to know that you are not the only one going through the grief process. By joining a support group, you can feel supported by others and this can help you as you cope with grief. You can check with funeral homes, hospitals, churches, synagogues and community services for grief support groups. You can also search online for Facebook grief support groups and Meetup grief support groups.
Tip #2: Seek Counseling
Check with your employer to ask if you can get free counseling through an Employee Assistance Program (EAP). You can also check with your medical insurance to see if your benefits will cover counseling sessions. Seeing a counselor or mental health therapist is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength. Through counseling and talk therapy, you can talk to a professional therapist about your feelings and this will help you cope with grief. Find a counselor you can trust who can be a support system for you as you navigate the grief process.
Tip #3: Read Books
Go to the Library and check out some books on the topic of coping with grief. Reading about the grief process will help you understand the process. It will help you to find new strategies to cope with grief.
Tip #4: Call a Friend
Turn to friends and family members to develop a support system. If you don’t have a support system in place, you can always create a new support system by making new friends who are also going through the same process you are going through.
Tip #5: Exercise
Start an exercise routine. You can hike trails at nearby parks or walk the sidewalks in your neighborhood…or you can walk on a treadmill. You can join a gym. Or you can invest in some exercise equipment at your home. Or sign up for Zumba or group exercise classes. You can join a community center with a pool and swim laps. Or sign up for water aerobics classes. The point is to get moving and add physical activity into your daily routine. Exercising increases your endorphins in your brain which helps to alleviate depression and increase feelings of wellbeing.
Tip #6: Eat Healthy Nutritious Meals
If you are feeling sad and grief stricken, you may feel like skipping meals. Or maybe you feel like eating junk food. Maybe you don’t have the energy to cook dinner. It’s important to eat healthy meals. You need to focus on your own health and wellness. Eating nutritious meals is important for your health and wellbeing. Make sure to get to the grocery store and buy plenty of nutritious fruits and vegetables. Eat heathy meals and snacks. Try to avoid eating junk food in order to help you cope with stress and focus on living a healthy lifestyle.
Tip #7: Visit Family Members
If you have family members who live far away and you feel lonely, consider taking a vacation or a weekend getaway and visit your family. Spending time with family will help you to feel supported and less lonely.
Tip #8: Consider Volunteering
If you are feeling lonely, consider volunteering for worthy causes. You can serve meals to the homeless at a soup kitchen. Or you can volunteer to help the elderly at local nursing homes. You can volunteer for charitable events. There are so many options for volunteer opportunities. By volunteering, you can find ways to help others, which is very rewarding.
Tip #9: Start a Diary or Blog
If you feel that you need to express your feelings, but you don’t know where to begin…consider starting a diary or a blog to write about your feelings and what you are going through. It can be very therapeutic to write about your feelings to help get your thoughts out of your head through writing.
Tip #10: Comedies, Movies and Music
If you are feeling down, it helps to watch comedies, sitcoms and movies on TV. Or go to a movie theater and watch a funny movies. It also helps to listen to music. By distracting your mind and adding laughter to your life, it can help you to better cope with grief. It has been said that “laughter is the best medicine”. When coping with grief, it helps to take a break from dealing with sadness and try to add some laughter back into your life. There is a time for tears. There is also a time to take a break and try to find a little joy in your life.
Tip #11: Take All the Time You Need
There is no timeline for grief. There is no magic wand to mske it go away. All you can do is take one day at a time. Take one step at a time. Don’t let anyone tell you that you need to “get over it”. Don’t pay attention to the negative people of the world who put you down. Surround yourself with positive people who lift you up. Positivity is key to coping with grief and living a happier life. There is no magic wand to make the grief go away. Take all the time you need. Grief comes and goes. It ebbs and flows. Time is like a river that meanders through your life. You can’t stop the flow of grief. Just let it run its course. Unless someone has walked a mile in your shoes, they do not know what you are going through. Be kind to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up. You are doing the best that you can under the circumstances. The grief process takes time. Take all the time you need. One day, you will look back …and you will see how far you have come. Be proud of yourself and all of your accomplishments. Be your own best friend. Take time to take yourself out to dinner. By yourself a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Treat yourself to something you enjoy. Every day is a new day. It’s a new opportunity to keep moving forward on your journey. You’ve got this!
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